At some point most people start thinking about having children. They imagine a sweet pink chubby baby in their arms and all the love they can imagine going both ways. As it should be!
But as you emerge from the hospital, whether it’s your first baby or your third, no one teaches you how to be a parent. Perhaps they should add that to the college requirements! Couples sometimes start to disengage from one another after the baby is born and never completely find their way back to one another. The baby changes couple dynamic and adds stress to your relationship. Parenting is more effective as a team. Could this be a part of the problem parenting your child?
Children come into this world with their very own unique temperament but their environment shapes them greatly. Even adults as children have had to push down certain personality traits in order to fit in with their own families. Don’t you want your child to feel free to be whoever they truly are? Don’t you want to support and encourage that? How do I do that you ask?
There are different types of parents. Some feel they need to be the firm boss and children must listen to what they say without question, for their own good of course. Is that you?
Some parents’ believe that children grow up fine by themselves. They don’t impose a lot of structure, pressure or involvement. Is that you?
The parenting style that I find to be most effective is when a parent engages their child in decision-making and problem solving, while maintaining their status as parent. This parent wants to know what you think and feel. He/she doesn’t judge you or scold you but shows empathy instead. This kind of parent uses problems and incidents as a teaching tool, which can lead to important conversations with your child.
Children carry stresses just like adults do but they may act out on it differently. They may seem irritable, angry, tired, down, or mouthy. They still need a parent who can stay in their adult and makes their child feel respected and safe even though. Your child will want to come to you to share their hardships and triumphs and you will have an opportunity to guide your child in healthy ways. You also will have a loving respectful relationship that will last a lifetime. This is your gift for being such an awesome parent. It is a gift for your child too. When they have a safe harbor at home they will feel more secure going out into the world when it is time.
No matter what your parenting style is you love your children and want the best for them. That’s why I work with parents to improve their parenting skills when they tell me that relations with their child are strained and their child is having issues at home, school, work, or with other people.
Because they don’t teach us how to parent many of us are flying by the seat of our pants. Still using the parenting style your parents used on you? How’s that working? These are different times and parenting has to evolve to accommodate the needs of children today.
If you’re confused about your parenting style and want to be more effective, come see me. Tell me what’s going on and we can practice different styles of communicating with your child to have the desired results you want. I’ll follow along with your family and you may choose to invite them to join you in session at some point; age appropriate of course. When I’m in the room I can support and guide everyone as they engage in healthier interactions.
What are you waiting for? Childhood goes by too fast and your child needs you to take action right now. They want a good relationship with you and they need your support. Don’t wait until your child is a tween, teen, or young adult. Start learning how to parent when your child is young. This may help you avoid issues later on. If your child is a teen or young adult you can still improve relations if you are willing to look at your parenting style and make changes if needed.Parenting changes with the developmental stages of your child. You will have to modify your techniques as they grow.
I know you love your child so why not give them the best chance in life by starting out with an awesome parent or set of parents. I know we adults deal with many stresses and responsibilities each and every day. It’s not easy to balance everything. But, you had them- so they deserve to come first!